Pun & Paper Rollenspiel mit (Wort-)Witz

[HelixApothecari]

Amerikanisches Tierheim parodiert Werbevideos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-F_8qaQ3DD0

[HelixApothecari]

"8 kids too smart for their own good" http://diply.com/kids-right-idea-funny/

[SilasColdfire]

RIP Warren

[VincentWeynard]

Kein Link, aber gestern im Radio: Die Musik wollte nicht so, wie die Moderatorin.
Moderatorin: "Ich höre nichts, und ich glaube unsere Zuhörer an den Empfängnisgeräten auch nicht."

[HelixApothecari]

Oh, da haben wir auch mal einen üblen Versprecher gehört... Radionachrichten, die Moderatorin wollte etwas über einen "enttarnten Pädophilen" sagen und stattdessen kam raus: "Der enthaarte Pädophile..."

[Carla Moor]

Ja es gab schon immer abgedreht schlechte FF's. Aber das ich mal auf so etwas stoßen würde, hätte ich mir nie erträumt.
http://www.fanfiktion.de/s/57e643b80004 ... -goes-real

[Ragnar Wulfgrimmson]

@Waltraud


Ach du Scheiße.....Ganz ehrlich da hatte wohl jemand die falschen Pillen^^

[SilasColdfire]

ich hab mir die Frage gestellt "will ich das überhaupt lesen?" - die einzig logische Antwort: "Natürlich!"
was für ein Bullshit

[Eviron]

STAR STAR SPACE (Flashserie)

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=P ... Sp0Q-tuDCP

[HelixApothecari]

Ich habe alle Folgen durch und bin mir sicher, die Hälfte der Anspielungen verpaßt zu haben "Darmok and the Jalads" ist einer meiner Favoriten...

[VincentWeynard]

2475 things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG
1-500: http://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html
501-1000: http://theglen.livejournal.com/89715.html
1001-1500: http://theglen.livejournal.com/131998.html
1501-2000: http://theglen.livejournal.com/282764.html
2000-2475: http://theglen.livejournal.com/389635.html
Auszug:

Code: Alles auswählen

6. Synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan.
17. Collateral Damage Man is not an appropriate name for a super hero.
24. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue Whales.
28. The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is not the whip.
39. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'can lick their eyebrows'
49. Not allowed to blow up the Death Star before that snotty farm kid gets his shot.
50. Not allowed to use thermodynamic science to asphyxiate the orcs' cave instead of exploring it first.
64. My paladin's battle cry is not "Good for the Good God"
71. There is no 'annoy' setting on a phaser
80. When accepting a challenge for a duel, I must allow the other guy time to find a pistol.
81. A picture of my ex-wife is not an acceptable backup weapon.
90. My swashbuckling fop cannot take the flaw Dark Secret: Not Gay
106. I do not have weapon proficiency in cat.
107. There is no such game as Wereshark the Buffet.
112. If the gun can't fit through the x-ray machine, it doesn't go on the plane.
118. I will pick a more traditional paladin weapon instead of a sledgehammer.
122. The paladin's alignment is not Lawful Anal.
134. The King's Guards official name is not "The Royal Order of the Red Shirt"
160. I will not load any gatling weapon with nothing but paint rounds.
190. Duel wielding small animals is strictly forbidden.
194. When the other guy picks swords for the choice of weapons, that does not leave me pistols.
280. Thermonuclear hand grenades do not exist in any genre except Paranoia.
311. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot start the game as pope.
318. Vampiric cows are not the fast food innovation of the future.
323. I cannot start the game with a highly contagious deadly disease.
325. Even if he was a paragon of humanity in his alternate dimension, Good Hitler is not an appropriate superhero concept.
332. I cannot spend character points to buy imaginary friends.
333. I cannot fistinate anybody, whatever the hell that means.
334. Pinball is not a specialization for wizards.
338. Any character named El Robotico Jiraffe de Fuego is begging to be vetoed.
345. I don't have weapon proficiency in elf, either.
349. Power Word: Beer Me is not a real spell.
352. When I choose my wizard's familar, Belgians are not a legal choice.
355. My monk's battlecry is not "Round 1: Fight!"
358. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot make a character that gets double XP per game for showing up.
366. Female minotaurs do not have udders. This issue is closed.
373. It is bad form for the queen to see my nipples.
377. My character is required to have a minimum wisdom of 10, that way I have no excuses.
378. I can cannot give my character the moniker "Tim the Barbarian". Especially since he's the bard.
379. I am to stop asking the elf to put a good word in for me with Santa.
380. I cannot use the ventriloquism skill to convice the fighter his new sword is a magical talking one.
384. The titles "Viking" and "Obstretrician" are mutually exclusive.
389. My samurai is not required to commit seppuku if he fails to hit the monster.
399. When I have to pick a starting dementia, Stockholm Syndrome is not appropriate.
401. When a virgin sacrifice is demanded I will not look knowingly at the paladin, netrunner or Hermetic.
411. It is bad form to shoot a god while he's monologuing.
414. If my stats are STR10 DEX10 CON8 INT16 WIS17 CHA15 I'd better not be the half-orc barbarian.
423. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a duck.
425. Chainsaws and butter churns filled with bees do not use the same weapon skill.
437. From now on my Highlander will refrain from dancing the Can-Can.
443. Zombies are not infectious in D&D. So I should stop shooting PCs in the head if they are bitten.
444. Whether it's fair or not, my thief will not insist we take turns checking for traps.
449. I will not switch to an entirely new class every single time I level.
460. I'd better have a real good excuse for being a necromancer if I'm lawful good.
461. Tasha's Uncontrollably Hideous Sister is not a real spell.
462. 1st Watch is not for accordion practice.
466. 3rd Watch is not clothing optional.
467. There is no 'accidentally' slipping a Smite Evil into a pillow fight.
470. Sarcasm is wasted on Imperial Stormtroopers.
484. If the word 'Mullet' appears anywhere on my samurai's character sheet, he's vetoed.
491. If my Faith is 4 and your Faith is 2, that doesn't mean Jesus loves me twice as much.
494. I will not use a time machine to invade Germany on September 2, 1939 by surprise, securing Dutch domination of Europe.
496. While Bardic music can increase skill rolls, bad jazz adds nothing to seduction rolls.
500. My superhero will not spend points to fly just because he's too lazy to walk.


[Eviron]

Steven Gätjen nach dem Red Carpet bei RBTV
https://youtu.be/TDMs_XO58_M?t=2h39m28s

[Ragnar Wulfgrimmson]

Deadpool 2 Teaser

[VincentWeynard]

That moment when you realize bloodangels.com is a fetish porn site...

[Ragnar Wulfgrimmson]

What not to do around a commissar:


Unless you have a death wish (since you're drafted into the Guard, we already KNOW you have a death wish) these are the things you should avoid doing around your Commissar unless you want to be shot for a number of reasons:

- Do not retreat until he says so.
- Do not look like you will retreat before he says so.
- Do not think about retreating before he says so.
- Do not think about thinking of retreating before he says so.
- Do not retreat even WHEN he says so.
- Do not refuse to retreat when he says so because you will later be shot for insubordination.
- Do not be incompetent in battle, he'll execute you for being useless.
- Do not move too far away from a Commissar attached to your squad, he might think you are retreating without his command.
- Do not fap to the women that are xenos, heretics, or mutants while in the field of battle... or outside.
- Do not fap to human women either, he'll execute you for dereliction of duty. Also, Slaanesh worship.
- Do not fap AT ALL Because it is heresy. No! Fap to the Corpse-Empero- wait, I kinda gave that away, didn't- *BLAM* HERESY!!
- Do not mock anyone in the upper command structure, social status and organizations, it's the same as treason and treason kids is HERESY.
- Do not look at your commissar with a grimdark look, he'll assume you want to kill him. Unless you're a Catachan. He doesn't need to see the look to know you want to kill him.
- Do not interrupt him while speaking, he'll execute you for the insubordination.
- Do not worship the ruinous powers even if your commissar is.
- Do not look like you are worshipping the ruinous powers.
- Do not think about worshipping the ruinous powers.
- Do not think about thinking about worshipping the ruinous powers.
- Do not think AT ALL or he'll think you are thinking about worshipping the ruinous powers.
- Do not find out about the Ruinous Powers. Best you can hope for is being sterilised and mind-wiped.
- Do not fall ill. Nurgle worship.
- Do not fall seriously ill. Serious Nurgle worship.
- Do not think about getting ill. More Nurgle worship.
- Do not think abou- To Hell with this, you are already thinking about getting ill *BLAM*
- Do not openly question his orders.
- Do not question his orders behind his back either.
- Do not suggest your orders are suicidal.
- Do not suggest that said "suicidal" Commissar should join the enemy, if he is able to kill his squad so quickly.
- Do not suggest anything, lest he take it for Heresy.
- Do not mention that the Ministorum Priests are better motivators. *BLAM* Insubordination!
- Do not mention that the sanctioned Psykers scare you more than him. *BLAM* Insubordination again! Actually that's acceptable, the mutant witch must be thoroughly abhorred and constantly monitored for heresy. UNBLAM!
Commissar did I just see you execute a guardsmen and than bring him back to life? Could that perhaps be a bit of chaos sorcery? *Flashes Inquisitorial Seal* I think we need to have a little chat back aboard my ship. Seize this Commissar on suspicion of Heresy!
- Do not mention that he is the most useless unit to have in a command squad. *BLAM* Insubordination again! Why won't you die!?
Oh holy terra you're Unblamming made him a perpetual. Take this guardsman back to the ship as well and tell the captain to prepare for Exterminatus this whole page is corrupted.
- Do NOT interrupt him while attempting to execute someone unless you have a pretty good reason as he'll execute you along with the one about to be executed.
- DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES challenge him or her in a western shootout. Why? Because they'll *BLAM* kill you all in LESS than a splitsecond, now get back to the front, or you'll join him.
- Do not ask a Commissar for a bullet in the head. He will have you flogged for cowardice.
- Do not ask a Commissar for a flogging. He WILL have you shot in the spine for being a Slaaneshi Cultist. Not that that's a bad thing, being a Sla-*BLAM* HERESY!
- Do not, in any way, shape, or form, give a zealous Commissar an Assault Cannon. You will have no unit.
- Do not, under any circumstances, give a zealous Commissar a Deathstrike Missile Launcher. You will have no army.
- Do not give a Commissar a cookie, or he'll think you are trying to poison him. You chaos worshipping freak.
- Do not be bald, then you are a Genestealer.
- Do not be balding, then you are becoming a Genestealer.
- Do not think about balding, then you are thinking about becoming a Genestealer.
- Do not think about thinking about balding, you don't wanna become a Genestealer.
- Do not add to this list, or else he will have you shot for insubordination. He- Yes, Sir!... No, sir... Sir? *BLAM* HERESY
THIS LIST NEEDS MORE CHAOS!*BLAM* HERESY!!!
- Do not use an axe as a last-ditch weapon. Khornate behaviour. Acceptable if having said, "For the Emperor!" and dying soon afterwards for the Imperium.
- Do not eat your rations in a particularly vigorous manner. Khorne worship.
- Any alteration of the standard uniform shall not be tolerated. Tzeentch worship.
- Growing facial hair in the pres*BLAM*. More Tzeentch worship.
- Do not cut yourself while shaving your facial hair. More Khorne worship.
- Surviving a life threatening injury at the hands of the enemy. Serious Tzeentch worship.
- Do not bring prostitutes to the base while your unit is on leave. Slaanesh worship (and just plain improper behavior).
- Waking up lat*BLAM*. Cowardice.
- Do not give a zealous Commissar a spacecraft. You will have lost a planet.
- Do not deface or lose your Imperial Infantrymen's Uplifting Primer. (even though any veteran guardsman will tell you most of pages are complete bullshit)
- Calling your self a member of the "Astra Militarum" *BLAM* HERESY! we are and always have been the Imperial Guard: Hammer of the Emperor!
- Do not Lose your issued Lasgun. Unless it's loss is unavoidable in*BLAM* A proper guardsman would never lose his Lasgun.
- Do not remind him that technically Commissars are outside the chain of command and cannot order you. So next time a fraking com*BLAM*. Cursing Commissars is HERESY!!!



What to do around a Commissar


- Worship the Emperor
- Talk fairly loudly about how the chaos gods suck. (Except for slaanesh who is just bad damn thing dosen't need to suck any more.)
- Make sure all your gear is organized, cleaned, maintained, and free of non-standard issue modifications.
- Do go into rage mo-*BLAM* Getting angry is Khorne worship. (Raging over the filthy xenos is acceptable though.)
- Praise him on a job well done when circumstances are right-*BLAM* Kissing ass is borderline Slaneesh worship.
- Shine his laspistol when he isn't using it.*BLAM*Handling your superior officer's weapons is grand treason!
- Give him a blowjo-*BLAM* SLAANESHI HERETIC!
-Charge towards Khorne Berserkers even if you don't want to.*BLAM* Suicidal charges are borderline Khorne worship. Neglecting to charge however is disobeying orders. So either way you get *BLAM*ed.
- Go to battle even if you're feeling sic-*BLAM* Spreading sickness to your comrades is serious Nurgle worship.
- Compliment his marksmanship skills.*BLAM* WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT KISSING ASS!!? Pff, missed me...
- Let him know in advance when you're having a sick day so he won't execute you for dereliction of du-*BLAM* NURGLE WORSHIPER!
- Have your uplifting primer on your person. Failure to present it on request will result in BLAM.
- Bring him a captive Eldar *BLAM* XENOS LOVING FILTH!! ("I'll be happy to take that captive off your hands commissar.")
- When the rest of your squad looks like they are gonna fall back, step away from the Commissar's general direction as he might choose to execute you to make an example for the rest of the men.
- When the rest of your squad looks like they are gonna fall back, step towards the Commissar's general direction as he might choose to execute you to make an example for the rest of the men.
- When you are about to do something that can only be described as batshit insane and a Commissar's around suggest it to him, if you survive said suicide mission he'll probably favor you a bit, which probably means that he MIGHT actually think about who's he shooting at.
- If you're the guy at the wheel of a transport, DRIVE HIM CLOSER! HE WANTS TO HIT THE ENEMIES OF THE EMPRAH WITH HIS SWORD!
- Prior to giving him wargear, make sure that you haven't cleaned it, most Commissars prefer the bloodstained wargear look. *BLAM* failure to clean blood off of your weapons or uniform is an offence against the Departmento Munitorum policies!
- Make sure you're the only man left in the squad other than the Commissar when retreating, the Commissar rulebook says that if the squad he is attached to only has one man left, he isn't allowed to make his face blow up because he'd end up looking stupid and it's a waste of ammo since there is nobody to inspi *BLAM* Commisar Does what he wants!
- If the Commissar looks pissed read (or at least pretend to read) an Imperial Creed k or something, he can't shoot you because you're reading Imperial Creed stu-- *BLAM* Now you are no longer reading it. Situation resolved.
- Bring an RPG or other Big Fucking Gun in case he tries to blam you. Make sure you say "you've been bla-*BLAM* HERESY! (pssst! Make sure you say "You've been BLAMMED!" AFTER you kill the Commissar and know there aren't more on the battlefield. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW COMMISSARS!?)*BLAM* HERESY!
- If your Commissar has a bolt pistol make sure there that when he starts *Blaming* that there are 10 people closer to the commissar then you. That way after he's done blaming the rest of your platoon he might think you 'suitable inspired' so as to not blam you. *CLICK* See it works! *BLAM* RELOADING IS ONLY A TEMPORARY INCONVENIENCE TO THE AGENTS OF THE IMPERIUM!
- Instead of DYING, try to acquire the Enemy's head. Minor kudos for a Grunt, Some kudos for an NCO Equivalent, and perhaps at least a bit of respect from the Commissar him/herself for an enemy Commander, or said Commander's Lieutenants. Possible points if you shout out: "DEATH UNTO THE ENEMIES OF MA-..." *BLAM* Borderline Khorne-Worship! (ALL foes of mankind must be cleansed. Punishing such actions is heretical in of itself commissar.) Unblam

[HelixApothecari]

Der beste Imperial Guard- Regimentssong aller Zeiten

Wer kein Russisch kann, am besten Untertitel anmachen (die sind auch... speziell *g*)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5mZiTMmH28

[Ragnar Wulfgrimmson]

Der April Scherz von CarbotAnimations, die Leute die wunderbare Parodien von Blizzardspielen machen


Blades of Justice

[VincentWeynard]

Ludum Dare 38 läuft gerade. (Ein Programmierwettbewerb, in dem man in 72 Stunden ein Spiel programmieren muss.) Bei folgendem (bereits fertigem) Spiel musste ich an Ente denken (Kann dort kostenlos heruntergeladen werden):

https://ldjam.com/events/ludum-dare/38/$17627
Tub of War!

Ein kleines Spielchen, in dem man mit einem Spielzeugschiffchen in der Badewanne herum fährt, und Spielzeugmännchen vor Quietscheenten rettet. ("Beware the Qwacken!")

[Eviron]

Hihi, klingt geil, muss ich später mal testen. Von Ludum Dare gestern erst in nem GDC-Vortrag wieder gehört, da gucke ich mich gerade durch einige Sachen durch die interessant oder potentiell witzig klingen. Auch für Nicht-Programmierer/-Künstler/-Game-Designer größtenteils leicht verständlich und unterhaltsam vorgetragen.

Kanal: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0JB7T ... 6u6qH8y_MQ

Beispiele die mir super gefallen haben:

https://youtu.be/HLWY7fCXUwE - "It's Just Emulation!" - The Challenge of Selling Old Games
https://youtu.be/JmwbYl6f11c - How to Survive in Gamedev for Eleven Years Without a Hit
https://youtu.be/pmSAG51BybY - Game Feel: Why Your Death Animation Sucks

[SilasColdfire]

die ersten 100 Tage Trump - made by Simpsons https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qo3fT0xPeHs